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Okay, Junkies, we don't bang on the charity drum very often (this is the first time), but when Hardcore Junkie Brian Thomas contacted me asking for some fundraising help, it was a no-brainer. Brian is running some ungodly marathon-thingee to raise money for Lupus research. He asked me to sponsor his effort, so the great folks at Shirts By Mail hooked us up with a custom silk-screened Junkies vs. Lupus shirt. Click on the movie link above to see the shirt, and to be tricked into hearing Brian's pitch for support. That's right, we trick you - don't tell me you're surprised. Donate if you like, if you don't just check out the sweet one-off shirt. -Scott-

STOLEN & MISSING:
Bass: Carvin LB75 left-handed, five-string bass
Serial number: 68706 (stamped on base of fretboard down by the body)
Finish: Crazy-mad sparkly

 

The entire reason I desire to become rich and famous is not so I can rule the world, but so that I can get my frickin' bass back. Well, okay, I want to rule the world and get my bass back.

Sometime before August of 2007, some rotten fuck stole my custom Carvin LB75 bass out of my father-in-law's house. I'm a lefty, and I play 5-string, neck-through basses, and there are very few of those in the world. Add to it that I saved for a year to buy this one, and had it painted in an obnoxious, sparkly "harlequin prismatique" finish, and you've got one rare bass. The guys at Carvin told me they made less than 10 of this same combination, and they stopped making that finish the same year -- hence, this instrument is 100 percent irreplaceable.

I played over 100 shows with it, and it was my pride and joy for the longest time. I like unique things, and this puppy was unique. Under the stage lights, it looked like molten glass.The serial number was 68706. That's stamped on the base of the fretboard, right down at the body. If anyone ever sees an instrument like this, please, email me scott@scottsigler.net. The picture at right is a close-up of an identical instrument, except that this one has black knobs while mine had silver. 

Said theives also made away with an Ibanez RG7420-BPL left handed, 7-string guitar. Ibanez only made 50 of these. Hard to find left 7-string guitars with a tremolo - I found one, and now it's gone as well. The serial number on that one is F0021555.

A lot of people have asked for my recording rig, so here we go:Everything starts with the mic. I use a StudioProjects B1 transducer mic. Mike at DragonPage turned me on to this very affordable mic. Yes, that's a shirt, and yes, I record in my closet. Also shown is the DR Pro mic stand, which is a really versatile, rock-solid stand. I recommend it. And the GrooveTubes PF-1 pop filter. I also recommend this. It's metal, so it's sturdy and cleans easy - doesn't get all gunky like fabric pop filters. The mesh is angled to drive any popping air down and away from the mic.Here is a close-up of the box for the mic, showing company and brand-name.And here is a close-up of the PF-1 pop filter. This is worth every penny. The foam crap on your mic isn't going to do dick - you need a pop-filter.Here is the heart of the operation, an Alesis MultiMix 8 FireWire board and audio converter. This may very well be overkill, but let me explain. First of all, this board has phantom power, which lets me use the B1 mic (it has to be powered to operate). Second, it converts the analog audio into digital, and sends it to the Mac via FireWire. I used the MultiMix 8 USB version, and burned through two of them - the USB version is a crap product, DO NOT BUY. The FireWire, however is nice. I bought an 8-channel mixer, because it has four mic channels. Therefore, I can set up onboard EQ for up to four different people. The wife needs to do her podcast? Just move the mic cable to the second channel, and her EQ is preset and I don't have to mess with mine. This puppy is about $300, so research wisely.Here is my compressor, a Comp16 by PreSonus. Everyone said I had to have a compressor. I don't even know if it's working correctly, to be honest. This is plugged into the effects loop of the MultiMix. The needles move, so I leave it hooked up - I'm a huge fan of once the sound works, don't change a friggin' thing because you'll probably mess something up and not be able to get it back for hours, making your five-hour podcast a nine-hour affair. Fun!And here is where the magic happens, a MacBook Pro running GarageBand 3.0. I have to be honest, I've been VERY disappointed in the MacBook Pro. This is a 2.16 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor. I'm running 1GB of RAM, which I will upgrade soon, but this thin spends more time spinning the wheel then friggin' Rappunzel. I'm a huge Mac fan, but this was a seriously bunk purchase. I'm afraid I'm going to have to upgrade again, or I might take the Chicken Scissors to my own nads during a two-minute wheel spin.

DEADLINE: CLOSED

We've closed submission for this project. Sorry. If you have industry experience, meaning you've written for movies or TV and have credits, we'll still take your script (although you'll be horribly disappointed with our pay rate, which is "free"), email Brent at bsweichsel@mac.com Yes, I have a "secret movie project" in the works. No, I can't tell you what it is, so don't friggin' email me. Yes, I have blackmailed Brent Weichsel into helping me gather the info, because I'm too friggin' busy to do it myself (Brett, it seems, has a bit of a gambling problem, and needed a "loan" to cover his markers - hence, he gets to help me out until I decide his debt is paid). I am looking for two or three screenwriters to do 15-minute episodes of a movie I'm creating. Think of me as the executive producer of LOST (with the limos, and the parties, and the hoes, of course), and think you as the lowly episode writer, toiling away 'till the wee hours of the morning. I will produce this series and provide overall vision as well as episode content, but I need writers to make each episode come to life. So, if you want to be a screenwriter, write a script, however you slice and dice it, read the assignment below. Read it, class! I'm not kidding around here! Read it, write your script, and email it to Brent. THE CHARACTERS: Jamie Jillinhall Age: 15 Gender: Female Background: Jamie is seen as the "popular" girl at school, but only because she is by far the most beautiful girl in her class. She has trouble talking to boys, except for her boyfriend Hanson Lander. Outside of the school's protected environment, her shyness makes her an outcast. Derrek Lander Age: 19 Gender: Male Background: When his parents divorced, Derrek's father won custody of he and his brother Hansen. Hansen was too young to know what was going on, but Derrek was old enough to know he wanted to live with his mother -- he asked to stay with her, and his father allowed it. Without a constant father figure, the willful Derrek constantly got into trouble. He was arrested during a stick-up at a local convince store and sent away to juvenile hall at the age of 12. Just out of jail and on probation, he's already learned his lesson and wants to start a new life. He has his own apartment, and has not seen his brother Hanson in four years. Hanson Lander Age: 16 Gender: Male Background: When Hanson's parents spilt and Derek stayed with their mother, Hanson moved in with their father just across town. While he always means well, Hanson doesn't always think things threw all the way. He doesn't have his brother's intelligence, and has a tendency to act first and think later. THE SITUATION: Hanson wants to impress his new girlfriend Jamie with a ring, but he has no money. He decides to go for the quick fix and mug someone. He brings his father's gun (which ironicly was the same gun Derrek used when he was arrested). Hanson thinks he has put blanks in the gun, but in reality, he's loaded with live ammo. Late at night in a park, he waits for a victim he thinks he can intimidate. Hanson draws down on an overweight man, who turns out to be an undercover cop. The cop order Hanson to put down the gun, but Hanson flees - the cop shoots him in the leg. Hanson shoots back, trying to scare the cop long enough to get away, but while he's stupid, he turns to to be an excellent shot -- the cop goes down. Hanson runs: he now knows the bullets are real, and that he hit the cop, but he doesn't know if the cop is alive or dead. In a panic, he calls Jamie, who picks him up in her car. The scene you need to write begins when Jamie drives the wounded Hanson to Derrek's apartment.

Adam Metz at LaunchSquad sat me down and grilled me about the ANCESTOR on Amazon dealy-o. In fact, Adam gets tto the bottom of how we shook up the publishing world with the Amazon coup. Fiction writers, listen in! Some great questions in here, I hope you enjoy it.

click here to play the interview

But seriously, folks, could I look any more like a frigging cadaver? I can't wait till I'm so big-time I get the fashion consultant, the lighting rig, and the touch-up special effect. I look like a frigging extra in a David Wellington zombie novel.

I saw this short vidcast by Tee Morris and Paul Fischer and laughed my ass off. Plus, they have a big top-of-the-hat to THE ROOKIE at the end. If you've seen Man vs. Wild on the Discovery channel, this will kill you. Click here to play the promo.

I write about death all the time. Fictional death. Come on, admit it, you like it. It's fun. You even beg me to write more. Because it's happening to fictional characters, it's abstract, it's escapist. But real death sucks donkey balls. Today we lost one of the pioneers of podcasting, Joe Murphy.  read more »

So you want to help your favorite dealer infect others? Who wouldn't, misery loves company. If you're on the email list, you already saw this. Here's 10 things you can do to make ANCESTOR hit #1 on Amazon.com. Click the "MORE" link to see them all. 1. BUY IT: April 1: Noon Eastern, 9 am Pacific In Big Publishing, I'm a total outsider, and if I'm going to hit #1 I have marshall all the Junkies and have them order Ancestor at the same time from Amazon.com. So put this in your calendar - if you want a copy, buy it on April 1!  read more »

If you're visiting me from the Times, welcome. I offer free audiofiction in the form of podcasts. Directions for getting the stories are at the upper right-hand corner of this page, just under the Podshow logo. Go ahead, first hit is always free ... The New York Times is a landmark in the world of publishing - if you get your name in those pages, it's a big friggin' deal. Well I was lucky enough to start podcasting my fiction, pick up a few thousand fans (known as "Junkies"), and thanks to those Junkies today I landed in the NEW YORK TIMES. It's a great story (they didn't even make fun me, which is unusual in my world ...). The story inculdes a lot of great podcast fiction writers like J.C. Hutchins, Mark Jeffery and Tee Morris. What it did NOT mention, however, was Podshow, the company that carries my podcast and hooks me up nine ways to Sunday every chance they get. Podshow, salute!

1. BUY IT:
April 1: Noon Eastern, 9 am Pacific In Big Publishing, I'm a total outsider, and if I'm going to hit #1 I have marshall all the Junkies and have them order Ancestor at the same time from Amazon.com. So put this in your calendar - if you want a copy, buy it on April 1! 2. Email friends to buy it (email postcard) Email is free. You have friends. You like to annoy them. So annoy your entire mailing list with this blurb: I'm helping this underground horror author become a #1 bestseller! On April 1, buy Scott Sigler's ANCESTOR on Amazon.com. It's a scifi/horror thrill-ride that doesn't spare the blood. If you dig movies like PREDATOR, RELIC and ALIENS you'll love this book. He's bum-rushing Amazon on April 1 at noon Eastern, 9 am Pacific, so don't be a cheap-ass and go by a copy at that time. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1896944736 3. Snail-mail postcards to friends I have awesome color postcards for you to mail to your friends. Just email me scott@scottsigler.net, tell me how many you want, and give me your address. These were a little expensive to make, so please ask for just the amount you're definitely going to send (and keep one for yourself, of course!). And feel free to post this postcard art with a link to the book on Amazon. 4. Banner on your site 5. Blog links If I get many, many Junkies to link to my blog, I will rank higher in websearches and in places like Technorati. So if you have a blog, make sure you create a link to this blog: http://www.ancestornovel.com/blog/ 6. Audio Promos Have a podcast? A website? Just want to email your friends a cool audio file?

• 60 SECOND PROMO
• 30 SECOND PROMO
• 10 SECOND PROMO

7. Podcast Interviews Hey do you have a podcast? Have more than one person listening (how is your mom, anyway?)? Well don't just sit there, Mr./Ms. podcaster, book my ass for an interview! The last two weeks of March I'll be an interviewing fool. My Skype addy is scottsigler, and that's a great way for me to do the interviews. Email me scott@scottsigler.net and let's hook it up. 8. Create Amazon lists on March 31 If you're a regular Amazon.com customer, this one takes about 10-15 minutes of your time and is a HUGE help. What I need is hundreds of Junkies to create a LISTMANIA list on March 31. If your interested in this one, email me scott@scottsigler.net and let's hook it up.I'll tell you what books to put in the list - it cross-references ANCESTOR against other books when people search, helping me expose future Junkies to tha Junk. Hey, why should YOU be the only addict in your neighborhood? 9. Amazon reviews Why wait to get the book to get a review? You already heard it, you already loved it (I hope). Go to the ANCESTOR on AMAZON page and write me a review already, dammit! 10. Email signature: Sure you can email your closest friends, but why not also put in a snazzy email sig that's on everything you send until April 1? If I may be so bold, I suggest the following: Help me make Scott Sigler a #1 bestselling horror author! Check out his book Ancestor - if you like it, buy it on April 1: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1896944736